Recently, I was clearing out some old clutter and came across the ditty that was given to me by a German gentleman who used to work with me at BMW of West Springfield. I hope you enjoy the German sense of humor.
Throughout the world, one will find there are various ways and means of driving (i.e. camels, horses, autos, etc., etc.). In Germany however, one finds that to drive one must Fahrt.
One is not required or compelled to Fahrt, but if he wants to get anyplace, either alone or with friends, he must Fahrt. The type of Fahrt varies, quite naturally, with the individual, and will depend, in most cases, on how well he can Fahrt.
I would feel safe in saying that in Germany more people Fahrt on a bicycle that on anything or in any place, with the possible exception of Holland. You might ask, “At what age can one begin to Fahrt?” I should say as soon as a child can balance himself with ease – say at the age of three or four – he will begin Fahrting with some degree of regularity. That is to say, he will Fahrt in a wagon, on skates, a sled, or some other such means of motion. Without a doubt, everyone Farhts on a streetcar.
When a person is old enough to Fahrt in a car, he must go to a school in order to qualify for a Fahrting license, a requirement by law for all car Fahrters. Now to get this license, one must pay from 200 to 300 Deutsche Marks to go to a Fahrting school. This school lasts from two to six weeks of Fahrting instruction, depending upon the individual’s Fahrting ability and interest. We can assume that those persons interested in Fahrting in their own cars will learn faster and can Fahrt sooner than those not interested or a little slow in learning the technique.
Once you have earned your Fahrting license, you can Fahrt for the rest of your life! I have, however, noticed half-blind people Fahrting when they should have stayed at home; or elderly people 70 to 80 years of age who Fahrt without a care in the world. People of this age who are Fahrters are a definite traffic menace, don’t you think?
If, while you are Fahrting, you have an accident, your insurance company will usually handle it. If it is really serious however, the police will measure the distance, take pictures and try to determine which Fahrter was at fault. Most Fahrting accidents occur in bad weather such as rain, snow and sleet. Of course, another cause for such accidents is the schnell (fast) Fahrter and the same can be said for the langsam (slow) Fahrter. By the same token, Farhts can be delayed because of bad weather and you may then have to reschedule your Fahrting plans because in icy weather you may well have a schlitten (sledding) Fahrt, which could be quite dangerous.
I should like now to discuss with you some of the different types of Farhts, because when you are Fahrting in Germany, it helps you to know the type of Fahrt you have had or the kind to expect. Before actually beginning a Fahrt, you must plan the kind you wish to make and where you want to make it. Each Fahrt must be given serious consideration. The sonder (special) Fahrt is one that needs special watching and reasonably so, because it may be one that you had not planned for. Probably one of the most disheartening types of Fahrt is the Fahrt ins blaue (surprise Fahrt). This is the one Fahrt you did not realize was coming and when it did, it was usually slightly worse the then aus (out) Fahrt.
A klein (small) Fahrt doesn’t take as much planning as does the gross (big) Fahrt. This is quite easily understood because naturally you don’t Fahrt as long wit the little or small Fahrt. There is also the kurz (short) Fahrt, which is slightly different that the klein Fahrt.
For every Fahrt you are going to make, your friends will somehow or another usually know about it, and then will invariably wish you a gute (good) Fahrt.
This is thoughtful on their part, but sometimes you may not have had a good Fahrt and you hesitate to tell them that the Fahrt you had was one of the worst you ever made. At such times you may sit for five minutes waiting for a signal and then find that you have only ein (one) Fahrt. It goes without saying that the frei (free) Fahrt is the most pleasant kind.
As was mentioned before, one can Fahrt in almost anything. For example, there is the Gesellschaft Fahrt where everyone Farhts together without the slightest concern. Even in the field of music, there is a well known Petersburger Schlittenfahrt and the Singer Fahrt. This is the Fahrt that most singers make as it is the most relaxing and they can harmonize if they wish.
One must exercise control when Fahrting in trains as they have special Fahrt controls. It is possible, however, to have a rund (return) Fahrt on a train which is not possible in taxis. The Fahrt Richtung or directional Fahrt requires considerable ability, even signs showing the proper way.
As you may already know, all sailors carry a Fahrten book in which to list the various Farhts they have made. This sounds like a splendid idea because I am sure there are times that you and I have made Farhts we would like to remember – and what better way than to write them down in a book.
I suppose the most difficult Fahrt to make is the Himmelfahrt. Only a certain percentage of the people are able to make this Fahrt. This is the Fahrt that, if you make it, you will know about it; it is the letzte (last) Fahrt. You are dead when you make this Fahrt.
Without a doubt the Fahrt you make in which you have the most freedom is the heim (home) Fahrt. With this type of Fahrt you can take your time, or even do it in short spurts. The end result is the same and I am sure that you all would rather have the heim Fahrt than any other.
There are other Farhts too numerous to mention, but to name a few, there are the sauber (clean) Fahrt, the schlecht (bad) Fahrt, the schmutzig (dirty) Fahrt, and the schluss (closing) Fahrt – which I now make.
Author unknown, but thanks to Peter Gaertner for providing us the entertainment.
